Travelling light
…removing all that is untrue
“When you have clarity and alignment within yourself – you know who you are, you know your worth, you know your values, you’re doing the daily work of removing limiting beliefs – you will not be easily pulled into a space that makes you feel unbalanced and confused.”
april green
A song I’m currently enjoying:
My spiritual practice is about removing all that is untrue. It is not about striving to be perfect, or becoming something I’m not. It is about seeing that underneath the constructs of limited beliefs, and programming, and conditioning – life, creation itself, is fundamentally quite perfect already. And sometimes, as occurred with me at the train station last March (see last week’s blog), the “seeing” is very quick, very thin. The difference between feeling boxed into a body, and then having that box collapse to reveal what was always there, felt like the fragment of a second. I experienced it again today during a wild swim.
Pure seeing can’t ever truly be put into words. It is motiveless and free from any concepts. It’s a seeing that just is, so to give it any description, or meaning is to tarnish the view. And then there is internal seeing also – seeing something within – a very swift noticing of a pattern, a behaviour, or a recurring thought. Becoming aware of your patterns is the first step to dissolving them.
Seeing is what we are doing all day. Seeing the external and the internal. Narrating what we’re seeing, and constructing something untrue out of what we are seeing, is also something many of us do all day. This is what my spiritual practice focuses on. Removing: negating all that is untrue.
In “A course in Miracles,” the miracle is defined as another way of seeing – a shift in perspective.
The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists.
Charles Dickens
Believing in another perspective reveals another perspective
I have humbly learned that when you travel lighter you travel fuller. The weight of the false beliefs about yourself, the shadow of the past, the heaviness of the unknown future, are all replaced with more seeing, more wonder, and more extra-ordinariness in what once appeared to be ordinary.
Sometimes our eyes can be so blinded by our troubles that we fail to truly see the beauty of the sunrise. They can be wide open, but they are not bright with attention – they are clouded with inner agitation. When you start removing the weight of all that you think you are, you start to see yourself much more clearly. Your true Self is revealed, and you start to embody that Self.
The incessant seeking of bliss stops. The agitation, the restlessness that holds you in the air and demands relief, ceases to be at the forefront of your life.
What you are left with is a space for peace and bliss – what we essentially are – to very quietly, and very slowly start to fill. What we are left with is a space for creation.
Days become enriched. You slowly remove the expectations you have inadvertently placed upon yourself and you nourish what remains. And what remains is the entirety of you.
Meeting ourselves
We talk and read about meeting ourselves, but are we only ever meeting our psychological self? Are we only ever meeting our old patterns, behaviours, stories, and the past?
I was talking to a friend in summer about the chaos we sometimes create for ourselves by falling into old patterns – not noticing a lesson returning – ignoring our intuition. And, worst still, how we berate ourselves long after the emotional stain has faded, and we see how clearly the error was revealing itself to us from the outset.
But, when we aren’t seeing straight – when we feel a little unsteady – something can unexpectedly fall upon our path and convince us that it may be serendipity, a sign, something that is meant for us. And even when the heart gives out a strong signal to keep walking, we might stop and take a closer look. Sometimes, as I did, we pick it up instead of very swiftly seeing that it’s there to teach us what is not meant for us.
I believe lessons return for a reason, and those reasons become clear once you take the first step towards changing something. I have witnessed many, many incredible shifts in my life when I have intentionally taken just one small step towards a new ray of light. But I have also come to see that in grasping the new light, we must also forgive ourselves for not seeing the old pattern we have fallen into. In grasping the new light, we must reach with one hand in the air and the other hand on our hearts – we must stop punishing ourselves for taking a wrong turn.
Lesson to live by:
You are enough as you are.
If you turn away from yourself in order to taste
any kind of external validation, you risk
falling out of alignment with who you are
and the journey back will be a painful
one.Stay in your own energy field.
from my upcoming book “Softening”
The right people will meet you there.
Each time a brighter season comes into view, I am reminded once more that when you know who you are, when you nurture who you are, when you regularly revisit and reaffirm who you are, you root yourself into that position. And when you are grounded in that place, you notice more quickly when you are being pulled towards an unhealthy space. And when you say ‘no’ to that first tug, you are in a stronger position to maintain that decision and ascend any form of manipulation that tries to convince you otherwise.
We are always learning – be kind to yourself
During this last year of deep healing, I have learned that the energy around certain objects and people seems to be more magnetic depending on what we believe to be lacking within us; (what we think we need). Had my self-worth been as it’s peak, had it not been a pandemic, had I not felt alone, uneasy, uncertain, I wouldn’t have been emitting a certain frequency; the energy wouldn’t have connected. In fact, I wouldn’t even have given it a second glance.
When we are not grounded – if we’re just a tiny bit unsteady and lost, we don’t always see clearly. Perhaps, we have neglected our daily healing. Perhaps we are seeing something that is unresolved within us – a chance to change the past, heal an old wound, without realising that it could ultimately end up deepening that wound.
The better way towards healing an old wound is to transcend the energy that is reappearing in our life from the old wound. Allow the energy to just be there. Don’t resist it. Don’t connect with it. Recognise it for what it is, (and where it will take you if you engage with it), and then let it pass through.
What came upon my path a couple of years ago reminded me of something from the past. And this was the strongest warning of all: it reminded me of something from the past.
The greatest lesson I learned this last year is that we are always learning. Healing is a daily practice.
“and i think it always comes down to this —we want to feel that we are truly living. we want to know that we are inhaling every type of season into our lungs. every single atom of hope, love, faith, beauty; and still have space for more.”
April Green
How to stay aligned with who you are and what you stand for
- Do things for you.
- Do things that help you feel good about yourself now, and not things you think will lead to you feeling good about yourself later.
- Do things that honor and nurture where you are now.
- Do difficult things, uncomfortable things.
- Do things that make you feel alive.
- Honor your daily routine. Dedicate the time each day to cultivate and nurture a self-care practice.
- When you have a daily routine, you are showing commitment to yourself and the value you place upon yourself.
- When you know your worth, you are less likely to attract people who don’t value or respect you.
- Add some new practices into your daily routine. Keep learning and growing.
There are things I do every day that are uncomfortable. A cold shower is one of these things. I do it to keep me aligned with my recovery – to keep me moving away from a comfort zone – to raise the bar of discomfort so that old patterns and behaviours can’t reach me again. I have taken a cold shower for a year now. The effect of being drawn into an unhealthy situation made me see that in spite of a healthy daily practice, one can get too comfortable, too complacent, and start feeling “stuck” and in need of something more. I learned the hard way, but I now see that the “more” has to be something within your control: something available and within reach. Something that doesn’t diminish you but expands you, and changes you for the better.
I take a cold shower for lots of reasons, but I don’t particularly enjoy it. I gain a great deal from the benefits of cold water. I get strength from overcoming the voice of the ego – the limited self that wants to keep you tied to the grip of fear, and the never ending loop of: “something is missing and we need to go and find it.”
In early recovery, I read so many books about overcoming the ego. A course in Miracles, and David Hawkins’ Dissolving the Ego are the two books I would recommend to anyone interested in ego work. In fact, I have just searched for Dissolving the Ego and I downloaded it on 21 November 2014. A month later, on 21 December 2014, I was “struck” sober.
This morning at 8am, I had a cold water swim in a lake filled with water lilies. I had been searching for a safe place to wild swim for a while and just by chance, I was talking to a lady from my gym yesterday and she said “have you ever been here….” and mentioned a beautiful farm in the village where I live!
I love messengers. Whenever you set an intention to do something positive, the Universe always steps in.
When you start living consciously, you start creating your life out of love for your life. And then you start seeing the thread that joins the pearls together.
Conscious Living:
be intentional with the life you are building:
april green
everything you are thinking, saying, and doing
is creating your world.
If in doubt, ask yourself – “is the outcome going to be for my higher good?”
When you do a few uncomfortable things for your greater good, you are much better aligned to deal with situations that are out of your control. Each time I choose to do something a little uncomfortable, I am consciously choosing to push past the inner dialogue that wants to keep me stuck – the same dialogue that says “don’t get into the cold shower, stay where you are”.
The only pleasure I get from a cold shower is the strength I feel just before I step in – it’s the moment I push past that little voice. And the times I pause to reflect “okay, maybe I won’t today” are the times I push past it with more force.
By the way – both dialogues – “‘don’t get in” and “okay, maybe I won’t” are one of the same. The coin of the realm as it is referred to. It is the same mental activity playing the same role in a different costume.
If you are ever in doubt about the deep inner voice of intuition and the voice of the mental activity – the ego – ask yourself:
“Is the outcome going to be for my higher good?”
“Is the outcome in line with growth?”
Inner wisdom doesn’t really speak: it is a knowing, a nudge, a tender reminder
My cold water swim this morning
A lesson I’ve been reflecting upon lately:
Other people’s actions are informing you about who they are, not about who you are.
A quote I really resonate with:
My soul sister Tina put the Anne Lamott quote on her story the other day, and it has embedded itself into my bones. More so after my first cold water swim this morning:
“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”
― Anne Lamott
Nuggets of wisdom / tender reminders:
♡ Nothing needs to be put into you for you to become who you already are. Barriers, limitations, negative beliefs, old patterns need to be removed.
♡ Stand out as the person who is comfortable in being who they already are.
♡ Acknowledge your own needs. And if one of those needs is to feel good about how you meet the world then honor that need, but do it for yourself.
♡ If you have a need to be heard then find the space to listen to yourself. Write, paint, dance your way into that space.
♡ Any kind of desire formed on the basis that your happiness depends on the outcome causes suffering.
♡ A healthy desire, or a preference, is neutral and clean – it doesn’t have any effect on your essential self if it doesn’t happen. It is created from a place of love and not towards a place of love.
This week, I’ve been grateful for:
The messengers.
Believing is seeing – when you believe the Universe is on your side and is listening to your every longing, you will see the signs, and they will always arrive at exactly the right time.
FREE magazine. If this is the first time you have visited my blog, don’t miss out on my free digital mini magazine called “HEAL.” It is exclusively for subscribers, so please subscribe to the site.
There will be 4 free editions, and you will receive one every 3 months for the next year.
The 4 themes are:
The art of letting go (September)
Practicing presence (December)
Finding your purpose (March)
Becoming who you are (June)
It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to read.
Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to expand and grow into this new space. For following along, for reading my work. Feel free to keep in touch: april@bloomforyourself.co.uk
Sending love and light always, April xxx