Slowing down
…letting life take care of itself
“the flowers
april green
blooming wildly inside you
are the ones calling for you
to stand where you are
and look at everything
you already have.“
A song I’m currently enjoying:
One of my favourite quotes – the one I return to when I need to remember to slow down and get still:
“What we are looking for is what is looking.”
St. Francis of Assisi
Other people have said similar since:
What you are looking for is what you are looking with.
-Ernest Holmes
The place you are looking for is the place from which you are looking.
-Mooji
They all point to the same thing: presence, awareness, beingness. The thing we inherently are that we can’t ever shake off. The inner peace and stillness that we spend our days searching for. Being – even the way others define it moves me to stillness:
“It has a crystalline, heartbreaking purity, that ontological beauty … of each object resonating in its beingness …” — Phillip Lopate, Slate Magazine
For many years, I have been aware of the stillness inside me – the eternal now. And I have an unshakable conviction of what that place represents. My spiritual practice is driven by the one and only goal of chipping away everything that is untrue so that I can get to know that place intimately – and then direct my life from there.
When you recognise the stillness, it recognises itself. And then it invites you to become one with it
Sometimes, when I’m driving on autopilot, it feels as though it is the scenery that is moving and not me. It feels as though I don’t journey to the destination at all, but the destination comes to me.
A few times, I have rested in Shavasana after a yoga class and felt no borders – just open space. Throughout the class, I had been aware of the birds singing outside; but when I rested in stillness, their song began rising from within me. There was no division, no body, no window, no floor, no birds. Just the sound of birdsong rising from the place I was resting. In these moments, I somehow understand every Rumi poem ever written.
When it’s over, it feels as though the open space leaves and the person returns. But, the open space doesn’t leave.
“We must unlearn the constellations to see the stars.”
― Jack Gilbert
Photo by Hristo Fidanov
At a train station in March, I looked up and noticed that I was seeing everything from the space that had always seemed to appear between me and other objects. I was the space. I realised it had always been like this, and it was me that had imprisoned myself behind a very thin (yet heavy) veil.
A couple of weeks before this, I’d had a call with someone I admired in the non-duality community. I told him I was struggling with getting out from behind my eyes, and truly “seeing.” I wanted to look at a tree and be moved by the tree – feel one with it. I wanted to truly see the tree and not see it through what felt like an overlay of what I was expecting to see.
He said, “No, April, you don’t need to get out because you were never in.” He told me to stop trying, and to start focusing instead on the sense of well-being that runs through us all when we see something we are drawn towards – a tree, a puppy, a sunrise, the dawn chorus. He reminded me that these things only enliven the well-being that is already within us. They don’t give us well-being, they awaken well-being.
I knew this. I write about this. I had become blind to it because my “wanting” it to happen was blocking it from happening. He distracted me from the act of wanting. He shifted my focus. And it worked.
On this path of removing everything untrue, I am starting to return to that place of stillness so that it becomes a default. I am learning to listen to how my heart and soul are feeling, and not to how the ego is telling me I am feeling, or tricking me into feeling. I am quietly recognising that nothing can be better than where I currently am – even when where I currently am feels terrifying, and heartbreaking, and too small, and too expansive, and not enough, and too much – I am here.
Freedom from pain resides in the present moment
If we have inner agitation – desires, fears, resistance, searching, projecting, then we are never truly listening to others, never truly hearing the sound of rain against the air, or the heart like the sweeping beat of the ocean. Sometimes, if feels as though all we are really doing is listening to ourselves – listening to what we want to hear, what we expect to hear, what we think will bring us the peace and contentment we are searching for. The weight of pain can feel so heavy that it pulls us away from the present moment. But, it is within the present moment that freedom from pain and suffering resides.
And there may be times when you
don’t know how to say:
‘I’m drowning inside, and my heart
longs for something my hands can’t
reach.‘
These are the times you must:
write
walk
breathe
curl up
listen to the ocean
feel close to the Earth.
For these times will pass – like the
light of the falling moon.
With a clear mind, life takes care of itself
When you learn to rest in presence awareness, walk in nature, feel close to the Earth, the background agitation of seeking something, listening only to gain something, or get to the next moment, instantly falls away. When you regularly rest in presence awareness, you notice that behind the mental activity – the seeking, the restlessness, the discontentment, the desire for more – is simply this:
your true self, quietly operating moment to moment, doing what needs to be done.
Until we become aware of this, it feels as though we’re constantly moving, trying to keep up, trying to get somewhere, and doing it all by ourselves. It feels as though we’re literally pushing through. But something is always on our side. Something is always with us, unconditionally loving us, and patiently waiting for us to return.
When you start absorbing yourself into presence, the mind starts to clear. When the mind starts to clear, you move deeper into presence. It’s a reciprocal movement. And with a clear mind, you discover that life unfolds with ease. Life flows naturally, beautifully. And so do you.
As soon as there is a sense of ease and comfort within you, the searching for something better – something more, something different – will stop. Because, ease and contentment is what you wanted all along – the feeling of well-being, the feeling of being enough – it is all we ever truly want.
When you feel yourself as whole, you make no demands. You are never in a place of lack. The searching for better and more, comes to an end.
You start meeting the Universe as one whole, and you match it’s frequency. You become one with it. And then, the most magical state of all starts to spontaneously arise – gratitude. It is not forced. It simply begins to appear as an inner sense of thankfulness.
Gratitude gives you the space
to let go of the thoughts and feelings
that are causing a wall of resistance
to all the magical things coming your
way.”
Ax
Photo by Rikonavt
With a clear mind, you will discover a feeling of wholeness
“In this life,
left alone,
things always work
themselves out.
It is the mind that gets in the way;
it is the mind that tries to control
the outcome for us.
And in doing so,
we never get to see
the outcome the Universe
would have given us.”
In stillness, I always discover that there is no void within me. In stillness, I am reminded that the mind is empty in its nature – it is pristine like the sky. It too wants freedom from the mental activity it has become enslaved to, the activity that is tarnishing its essential quality. But it goes towards, and attaches itself to whatever we are putting our faith and attention into. And most of the time, we are putting our faith and attention into a thought system that opposes the present moment.
So, how do you relax the mind, and draw it back to its natural state?
You give it permission to do just that. You direct it to where you want it to go, and you give it clear instructions about what you want it to do. You tame it – disentangle it from the mental activity and give it the space to remember it’s place.
It’s quite astounding how obliging the mind can become when you give it a clear instruction. How many times have you had a deadline to meet and gone into the flow state and met the deadline without fail? Or woken just a few minutes before your alarm went off, on a day that you had to be somewhere important?
In presence, the mind we have unconsciously limited moves back into the realm of the higher mind – the space that is always working for our good.
“The mind is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master.”
Robin Sharma
The mind is a powerful tool when it is used in the right direction
I experienced the above quote in action during a yoga class a year ago. I was tired of starting a flow but missing it all because I was pulled into a train of thought that took onto a carriage moving in the opposite direction. So, when I set my intention at the start of the next class I decided to give my mind a firm instruction: “I want you to follow my breath for the next hour and don’t look away.” It worked.
When I was recovering from surgery for breast cancer, I healed an open wound that no amount of medical intervention was healing. My Reiki teacher recorded a meditation for me and I rested in presence awareness every night and turned my attention to the wound. It had been there for 3 months, and it was healed within 7 days.
When you see the blessings that show up when you are living in the present moment – stop, pause, and honor these moments. The mind will start softening back into its true nature. The things that once felt heavy will start to lose their power over you as the mind starts serving you, and not the thought system.
“Answers arise within
a quiet mind.
Answers arrive when you are
absorbed in what is occurring
in every moment.
Always.
This is how you know
it is the right answer:It arises from Grace.
april green
Benefits of being switched on, available and grateful:
- When you’re available and present, you’re also available and present for others
- When you’re available, another way of seeing things opens up – you start to notice all the acts of kindness others are showing you to let you know their love and attention is placed upon you
- Gratitude presents itself without any effort – you start seeing everything that arises as a blessing
- The view of your life from the angle of lack (wanting more or different or better) changes, and you move into the field of having enough
- When you are grateful for what you already have, what you already have expands organically
- When you live in gratitude, an opening is created. Your energy starts moving into this space and you start creating your present moment instead of avoiding it.
Some things for you to reflect upon:
Before bed, ask yourself: “In what way did Grace show up for me today?” And then remember those moments. Sit with them. Honor them. The mind will learn to look for more of these moment each day. It will become its default setting.
Learn to reshape the past – see that some of the things you labelled as bad were actually blessings.
When you can revisit your past through the lens of gratitude, it stops having the such a negative power over you. When you see that some of the experiences that were so painful to you were actually doorways to growth, the narrative about the past starts to shift.
The emotional state you’re in right now is fundamental to what you’re experiencing right now. Gratitude for having enough right now will very naturally put you into a receptive emotional state.
A reminder:
Free iPhone wallpaper
Download my free iPhone wallpaper
as a reminder to be here now.
“you are enough now”
email to a friend who needs a tender reminder.
Some snippets of my life:
A lesson I’ve been reflecting upon lately:
Projecting a distant future in order to ease your discomfort in the present moment exacerbates the discomfort. It puts you in a state of waiting, which is resistance to the present moment. It blocks the natural flow of life as it is appearing – now.
A quote I really resonate with:
” I could see peace instead of this.” – A Course in Miracles.
Nuggets of wisdom / tender reminders:
♡ If you keep projecting past experiences and preconceived ideas onto the present moment you will never get to experience anything new
♡ Being here now stills the mind. A still mind brings forth an instantaneous sense of gratitude.
♡ You don’t have to be moving forwards to get somewhere.
♡ Stillness takes you to a place where you will see things differently.
♡ Wanting puts a barrier / block in front of you.
♡ The minute you choose to be happy with what you already have, the thing you want, or its equivalent will start making its way to you.
♡ When you are present, the things that didn’t seem available become available because you have the space to see them.
This week, I’ve been grateful for:
This week, I have deliberately slowed down to honor this message some more. And in return, my week has been more productive, yet lighter at the same time. I feel like I have more energy, more time, and more space. Writing and creating so much is taking me to a very balanced and rewarding place which feels like home. Thank you for being here.
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The 4 themes are:
The art of letting go (September)
Practicing presence (December)
Finding your purpose (March)
Becoming who you are (June)
It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to read.
Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to expand and grow into this new space. For following along, for reading my work. Feel free to keep in touch: april@bloomforyourself.co.uk
Sending love and light always, April xxx