…and how to consciously align with it

“The more I have dared to reveal
and align with my true self,
the more comfortable and safe
I have felt in my own skin.
It’s like coming home to something
incredibly familiar.”

April Green

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A song I’m currently enjoying:

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The true meaning of confidence

The concept of confidence is often misunderstood. A misunderstanding that I, too, held until a profound experience during my 3rd Root Cause Therapy session. During the session, my facilitator and I delved into a disempowering belief I had been carrying with me for as far back as I could remember: “I am not confident.” My body revealed this belief to us through a cellular memory test we use for discovering the beliefs that the body is holding onto. (The reasons these beliefs get created is explained in my free eBook: “Healing Your Inner Child.” Download it here).

As we traced back to an event that solidified this belief, I was able to disperse the energy behind the emotions that arose at the time, so that I could see the event more clearly, and through the lens of the wisdom I hold now. It was at this stage of the healing that I had a profound realisation: confidence lies in staying authentic to yourself, and honouring your values.

It may seem very obvious to you reading this, and to be honest, it is startlingly obvious to me now. But right up to the session, the belief “I am not confident” had been with me for most of my life – it felt completely palpable. I wore it. It was a big part of how I defined myself – “I’m not confident.” It feels strange saying it now, and this is because this belief no longer exists in my subconscious – it has been uprooted. It no longer resonates with me anymore.

One of the reasons I love Root Cause Therapy is that old perceptions fall away to the point where they now feel like a dream. Yet, for a long time, I had found myself on a journey towards a fixed sense of being a certain way – being confident – as though it was a destination I would eventually reach. It so often felt as though I could somehow add something onto who I already am; when the reality is that I needed to instead remove the beliefs and blocks that were in the way of who I inherently am.

Confidence requires an act of honesty

Now, I have certainly reached what feels like a different space, rather than a destination, and that is one of being authentic – honouring my truth, and having the courage and conviction to say “no, this doesn’t feel right to me, so I am not doing it.” For me, this is confidence. This is trusting what you know to be true for you; and not being afraid to say so. And, do you know what is even more confident? When you allow vulnerability to enter into this space with you: “I feel frightened right now. I’m feeling triggered right now. I need some space to work through this. I need a walk. I need to do some energy healing.” etc.

Admitting how you are truly feeling, and what is coming up for you in the moment, doesn’t mean you can’t, or you won’t take the next step towards your growth. It means that you are aware of the felt sense of fear in your body without judgment or suppression. And once you have stayed with this feeling, and spoken it out of yourself, this felt sense can be explored and healed in time – if you want that. In this way, the belief – I am not confident, or I am not good enough, or I am not worthy enough stops being a fixed belief, and opens you up to the possibility that it can be explored, and healed. This is the direct path to healing – you go directly to the emotion.

It takes courage to open yourself up to the possibility of being hurt or rejected, but it is in this rawness that true connection to yourself, others, and your life can be found. When you embrace vulnerability, you invite others to do the same, creating an environment of trust and authenticity. This is something I have created more and more of by being vulnerable and open with others. But it only became a possibility when I became vulnerable and open with myself first.

Ultimately, confidence is honoring your feelings, and allowing yourself to experience them without judgment or suppression. It is the ability to trust in yourself and your thoughts, and know that it is okay to feel a certain way. It is okay to tell others how you are feeling – all is welcome.

“The key to growth is understanding we are given the ability to make mid-course corrections in our life and having the courage to make necessary changes when what we are doing is not working for us.”

Michael Newton – Journey of Souls

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Connecting with yourself

After that 3rd root cause therapy session, and whilst I was training to become certified, I discovered more and more, that confidence – in who you are, as you are – emerges with very little effort when you cultivate a profound connection with yourself.  It arises naturally as a result of being in tune with your true essence; and learning to start expressing that essence without apology.

But, how do you get in tune with your true essence?

When you re-visit your own values, desires, passions, and interests. When you start removing the blocks and dis-empowering beliefs that are holding you back from absorbing yourself into these passions, desire, and interests. When you surrender to all the limiting beliefs you have and just BE yourself. And this might look like:

“I may not be a great artist, but I’m going to get a sketchbook and some paints and express myself. I may not be a great potter, but I’m going to get a lump of clay and have a go. I may be scared of cold water, but I’m just going to stand up to my waist and take in the view.” Why? Because, I just want to be here, as I am, without any pressure, without any pretense, without any mask. I just want to be here as this messy, curious, excitable, child-like human enjoying being wholly and entirely that.

When you can do this… for a week, a month, a year – when you can give yourself permission to stop searching for the answer, and rest in the only place you will ever find the answer; the path that’s been designed especially for you will get revealed. And here, you will discover that the very act of stopping for air; resting in your own body, is all part of that path.

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Creating the right environment for authentic expression

When your inner and outer environment includes safety, patience, acceptance, curiosity, nurturing, resourcing, compassion, support, and presence, the innate intelligence that resides within you becomes empowered, and your life starts to flow naturally and effortlessly.  And then each time you tap into this empowered place inside you, your intuition gets stronger and clearer. Action becomes inspired, and arrives in a very precise and perfect order.

Start cultivating a sacred space each day to perform healing rituals that you are drawn towards doing—body based techniques to interrupt your habitual response patterns, movement, writing, drawing, breathwork.

Set the intention to allow and welcome whatever wants to arise. In this way, you are inviting your authentic self to express itself. You are being yourself, exactly as you find yourself. And this is a beautiful place to be.

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The first step to cultivating and nurturing authenticity: revisit your core values.

One of the very first exercises I undertook whilst healing at a deeper level was revisiting my core values.

Most of us don’t always know, or align with, our personal core values. We think we do, until we notice that we have attracted into our lives someone, or something that causes us to turn away from what we value the most.

Many of us are also unaware that the wounded parts that we pushed away during our developmental years hold the key to what we value the most, but didn’t receive. For example, if in your younger years, your family life felt chaotic, or emotions weren’t expressed, and you had a sense of not being seen or heard, you may have unconsciously formed a mistaken belief that it isn’t safe to speak your truth. You may have repressed this part of you, and will therefore keep attracting people and circumstances into your life that will perpetuate this belief.

The need to be seen and heard may therefore become a core value in what you need in your life going forwards; and in the process of affirming and feeling into this belief, you may decide to start tracking the origin around where, and how the belief “it is not safe to been seen and heard” was created.

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Discovering your core values:

1. Consider your most meaningful moments—beautiful experiences that really stand out. What was happening? How did it make you feel? What values were you honouring?
2. Now, go in the opposite direction; consider a time when you got angry, frustrated, or upset. Make a list of as many moment in your life as you can, and focus especially on childhood. What was going on? What were you feeling? Now flip those feelings around. What value is being suppressed?
3. What’s most important in your life, beyond basic survival needs? What must you have in your life to experience fulfillment? Creative self-expression? A strong level of health and vitality? A sense of excitement and adventure? Surrounded by beauty? Always learning? For example: I have a need for safety in relationship, I have a need for presence, I have a need for security, I have a need for balance, I have a need to be seen, heard, known, validated (belonging.)
4. Combining all of the values you have listed into related themes. For example – values like accountability, responsibility and reliability are all related to each other, as are creativity, inspiration, and art – so summarise these into one core value that resonates with you the most. While the number of core values differs for each person, the magic range seems to be between 5 and 10.
5. Now rank your values in the order of importance. You may need to do this step in multiple sittings. Here are a few questions to help you:
   What values are essential to your life – which ones represent your core way of living?
   Which ones feed your soul?
   What values are essential to supporting your vision and your desires?
   Which ones are you most drawn towards?
   Which ones feel right when you read them aloud?
6. Next, reinforce your values by turning them into your own self-affirming statements and adding them into your journal and onto your vision board.

As I wrote in my last blog “When Deeper Healing Calls” – when you inquire at a deeper level, and at a “felt sense” what value matters the most to you, take a sacred pause and reflect on each one. Ask yourself if you are giving that quality to yourself. For example: if the feeling of belonging matters the most to you (being seen, heard, validated) ask yourself “In what ways am I seeing, hearing and validating myself?” If trust is important to you, ask yourself: “Do I trust myself? What do I do to show myself that I trust myself?” Do this for every value. Find out if you are embodying that value first.

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Finding joy in beautiful images

Sometimes, it is the simple things that bring you home to yourself. I love the colour of the yellow mixed with water and sand. A vision board really stirs your soul and relaxes your nervous system.

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A quote I really resonate with:

“See enough and write it down, I tell myself, and then some morning when the world seems drained of wonder, some day when I am only going through the motions of doing what I am supposed to do… on that bankrupt morning I will simply open my notebook and there it will all be, a forgotten account with accumulated interest, paid passage back to the world out there. It all comes back. Remember what it is to be me.“

Joan Didion

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This week, I’ve been grateful for:

Eternally grateful to the benefits of cold water, sunshine, Earth, birds, and early morning’s drinking cacao with friends.

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If you would like to know how Root Cause Therapy can help you release your trapped emotions and dis-empowering beliefs, book a free discovery call with me.

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It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to follow my journey, and read my words. Feel free to keep in touch: hello@aprilgreen.uk

Sending love and light always, April xxx