Have you forgiven yourself yet?
…A powerful practice
“Sometimes, forgiveness is
April Green
simply about making things right
in your own heart.”
A song I’m currently enjoying:
Letting go
Over the last few weeks, I’ve received lots of messages from women who have read my free eBook, Healing your Inner Child; and it’s been truly beautiful to hear how so many looked out photographs of themselves as children in order to start healing this part of themselves. But a number of people felt the same as I once felt about myself when they found a photo of themselves as young adults about to embark on what they know now to be a mistake, or a painful few years: “I feel angry when I think back to who I was then…”
So I’m going to share a beautiful visualisation meditation for self-forgiveness that I undertook as part of my training in Root Cause Therapy; starting with the woman I was at the crux of entering into a destructive relationship (the version of me that I have berated the most). It then moves through all the different energetic imprints of what she went through, and who she became over a period of 18 months, ending when I had therapy and started healing deeply, and living from a space of presence.
In this powerful technique, the versions that I went back along my timeline to collect were the versions that my subconscious mind was still showing me in the form of images, and symbols of pain, shame, anger, and sadness.
This is a transformative practice, and I invite you to try it for certain periods in your life that made a mark on you, and have inadvertently kept some hurt versions of you stuck in the past.
Why do we get stuck?
Anything we haven’t forgiven, or let go of from the past is projected out into the future, and is seen through the lens of the present moment. This is because all of the events from your past are stored in your cellular memory, or subconscious mind. Whenever an event causes us emotional pain that goes unresolved, and unprocessed (usually from the ages of 0-7), we almost always simultaneously produce an incorrect belief through a misinterpretation of the event. ie, “what happened meant something negative about me”, or “love isn’t available to me. I am alone. I am unworthy.”
Every time a similar event from the past is experienced in the present moment, the same memory, as well as the emotional response, is activated at an unconscious level; and this shapes and controls our current experience. In other words – we respond from the wounded inner child.
So if you have overwhelming experiences from the past – specifically memories with a strong emotional charge – that have not been accepted (through uprooting the mistaken belief, preserving the positive learnings, and forgiving yourself for buying into the mistaken belief), then you may find yourself re-living the memories over and over again; and seeing the same lifestyle themes repeating themselves.
To the subconscious mind however, these memories are not past experiences – they are very much a present reality. And, this is why we feel stuck. Each time we feel fear, we revert back to the emotions and beliefs we had during an overwhelming time in our lives, and we embody the same version of ourselves, and the same beliefs we created back then.
These types of limiting beliefs generate the reaction of fear because they separate us from who we truly are, and what our deeper, authentic selves know to be true. For example, an event that was distressing to us as a child may have created the belief: “I am not lovable.” But, to our deeper Self, this is not true as we are inherently lovable and worthy. So, a gap gets created. And it is this gap that causes us to feel “separate” from the whole; as though something is missing, or broken. The reason I’m such an advocate for Root Cause Therapy is that it goes directly to where the original gap was created, and it heals the divide,
Read more about why we turn to the external world to try and give us relief from feeling separate in my free eBook.
Instant download
free 100 page eBook for you: “Healing Your Inner Child.” Download it here
The path to inner healing
The path to deep, inner healing begins with acceptance, and self-forgiveness – we forgive ourselves for buying into the mistaken beliefs we created about ourselves due to overwhelming emotional experiences. We learn how to accept and embrace all the different aspects of ourselves – even the ones we might perceive as negative – with love and understanding. We recognise that every part of us, even the tough inner critic who berates us for returning to unhealthy situations, is simply trying to protect us from further emotional pain.
By offering ourselves, and all our past selves, unconditional acceptance and compassion, we open the doors to a profound transformation. When we can gently invite the parts of ourselves that are frozen in time, and hurting, to step forward and share their story, we can create a safe space to cultivate our vulnerability and authentic expression.
“If you are holding onto expectations about who you are supposed to be, how things should have turned out, what you could have done differently, what could happen next, then you are holding up a barrier to the life you deserve to be living now.”
April Green
Visualisation Meditation for Self-forgiveness
For this meditation, I would invite you to listen to some healing music. My favourite playlist for meditation is here.
Before you start, it is important to set the intention that you are ready to heal the wounds from a particular event. It is also really important that you approach this exercise as the highest expression of yourself, to ensure you do not “blend” with the emotions of the person you once were.
- Get yourself into a relaxed, meditative state by doing a few rounds of coherent breathing:
Inhale through the nose for the count of 4
Exhale through the nose for the count of 6
TIP:
Place a hand on your heart, and a hand on your belly so that you can self-soothe at the same time.
(Touch lowers cortisol – one of the main stress hormones that keeps the body in a dysregulated state.) - Once you feel relaxed, I would like you to imagine floating above where you currently are, and then moving along your past into an event that you still feel a strong emotional charge regarding the person you were at that time. It could be anger, sadness, hurt, or shame.
- When you have located the event, (it could be the start of a relationship that you wish you had never started, or a choice you made that you wish you could have done differently), I would like you to visualise going down to the woman you were at that time, and standing next to her.
- Let her know you are there with her. Visualise yourself touching her gently on the arm.
- Tell her it’s okay, you are here with her now. That you know what she went through; that she no longer needs to carry this pain, or these emotions. Let her know that she did nothing wrong; that she was doing her best at the time, that you love her, and you are here to take her out of the event.
- Now, reach out a hand to her and let her take it.
- As you walk away from the event and back towards now, there may be other energetic imprints of versions of you that are stuck in an emotional charge between then and now.
- Collect these versions along the way.
- The next part is the most beautiful part. You are going to visualise yourself as you are now – as the secure attachment figure that these younger versions of you need – sitting in a circle with all of these younger versions. So this could be yourself and one younger version, or yourself and 10 younger versions.
- Now, visualise all of you holding hands.
- Ask them to repeat after you: “I forgive myself for buying into the belief that the event I was stuck inside meant something negative about me. I am good enough, I love myself as I am.”
- Fill your awareness with nothing but love and compassion as you sit in this circle, and allow the energy of that love and compassion to stretch out to all these younger versions of you, and beyond.
- Rest in this space for as long as you want.
- Next, visualise a beautiful pink light surrounding you all. Keep breathing this pink light until it, and the women it is surrounding, get smaller and smaller before integrating the light and all the women into your heart as one beautiful ball of healing light.
- When you are ready, take your time to slowly come back into the room. Wriggle your fingers and toes. Move your head from side to side. Start breathing normally. Gently open your eyes.
A heartfelt reminder:
Too many women—having experienced the sting of betrayal after bravely opening up and sharing their vulnerability—unconsciously close themselves off from deep, authentic love. This is a topic very close to my heart; and one that I believe many of you beautiful souls can relate to. What helped me get through the feeling of betrayal was a deep insight I received during meditation: “you have NOT betrayed yourself. By opening yourself up, you have created a sacred space within your own journey of inner transformation. You have shown yourself that you are willing to be authentic, even in the face of potential pain. And this is an act of incredible bravery.”
- Betrayal is a reflection of another person’s choices and actions, not a reflection of your worth or character.
- Forgive yourself for buying into the misunderstanding that betrayal meant something about you.
- You have honored your truth, shared your deepest self, and that is something to be applauded.
- Vulnerability is not a one-time risk, but a continuous journey.
- Find the courage to open up again, and to trust again.
- Believe that there are people out there who will cherish and honor your vulnerability.
- Surround yourself with those who uplift and support your authentic self.
- You are worthy of love, respect, and genuine connections.
- Trust that as you heal and grow, you will attract those who will celebrate and uplift your courage to be who you truly are.
Snippets from the last couple of weeks:
A quote I really resonate with:
““The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
― Steve Maraboli,
This week, I’ve been grateful for:
I have been working closely with some beautiful women or the last few weeks, and guiding them through transformative healing sessions. I am always so grateful, and humble to women who want to heal and grow beyond their limiting beliefs, childhood wounds, and fears about stepping into their fullest expression.
If you would like to know how Root Cause Therapy can help you release your trapped emotions and dis-empowering beliefs, book a free discovery call with me.
It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to follow my journey, and read my words. Feel free to keep in touch: hello@aprilgreen.uk
Sending love and light always, April xxx