Healing from a whole place

…welcoming it all

“Get to know yourself so well
that you learn how to stay with yourself
during the times you want to run.

These are the times you need yourself
more than ever before.”
Softening

A song I’m currently enjoying:

Happy 2023!

A few things I’m prioritising this year:

education + learning
camping + nature + adventure
healthy connections
deeper healing.

I am currently training in wellness coaching, (underpinned by sobriety) and I’m drawn to the only method I know, (and wholeheartedly advocate) from my own experience: holistic healing… healing the whole of you – body, mind, and soul. And starting from the inside out.

I think there is a place for talk therapy – “tell me what happened to you.” But, from my own healing journey, I am more aligned with somatic and embodied therapy – “tell me what’s happening in your body right now in response to what happened to you.”

As I’ve shared before – after many, many soul destroying years of trying to stay sober, I finally managed it 8 years ago by seeing (with some kind of divine clarity) that the part of me that believed I wasn’t good enough, that I was broken, unlovable, and much more, was never going to be the part that took the step towards changing those beliefs. It had to be the deepest part of me: the core, the unconditionally loving part – my true nature – that led the way. And even though both parts arose within the whole of me, it was the fear based, limited part that I identified with, and aligned with. I thought that was who I was, so I became her.

It was life changing for me to finally step into my true nature and heal myself from that loving, higher space; (and I write more about this intuitive calling in my blog post just breathe), but something was missing.

“To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear.”

– Stephen Levine

The missing piece

When I aligned with my true nature, I defined the person I wanted to become (sober, healthy, spiritual, etc) and I embodied her. This was a valuable process for me at the time, and for many years later. It served me—I deepened my spiritual practice, started making healthier connections, strengthened my faith, and learned how to go towards fear. But ultimately, when you turn away from the part of you that was responding to life because of past trauma, you end up living on the very delicate edge of self-abandonment. Because that part is still here. And that part still responds to life in the only way it learned how.

I’m not saying that mindset work isn’t a fantastic way to transform. It is a valuable way to see that you don’t have to identify with the story you have been telling yourself based on your beliefs. But what happens to the part you have denied and supressed? Affirmations are another powerful way of recognising your worth – moving away from the erroneous belief of “I’m not worthy”, to the correct one of “I am worthy.” But how does this heal the part that felt unworthy for all of those years? In my experience, it doesn’t. This part stays where it is – beneath a blanket of positivity, spirituality, and “self-love.” It is only a matter of time before the old patterns and unwanted energies start resurfacing, and you realise you have to go beyond the current layer and do some deeper healing.

“What happens when people open their hearts?”

“They get better.”
– Haruki Murakami

True and authentic self-love

Feeling the thing you are afraid to feel is something I have always highly advocated. Never underestimate the courage it takes to sit with your pain and get a felt sense of it. But sometimes, feeling what we fear to face isn’t always enough. We do it, but because it causes discomfort, the ego narrates a story around it which simply adds another layer, and more pain. We then end up pushing away the parts of us that are already hurt, or abandoning the parts that are already feeling abandoned. We start to believe that as long as we “do the work” of self-love, these feelings, and all the other heavy emotions buried within us, will miraculously fade. But the hurt parts will just keep calling to us, and showing up whenever a situation arises that activates them. If you are not aware that each part represents the hurt version (in all its different forms) protecting you in the now, then you will unconsciously take on the identity of this part, which could lead you to run away, numb, defend, control, or lash out.

The holistic and authentic way to heal from a whole place is to meet the parts that are showing up with compassion, gratitude, and warmth. To welcome them into the light where you already are, so that they can be met with tenderness, and acceptance for what they are showing you now. Only then will they start to dissolve into the loving space of your very own heart.

When you meet suffering and pain in this loving, open space within, you will also meet who you already are, and have always been – unconditional love.

We can not be free to fully love and accept ourselves until we acknowledge our pain and embrace it.

Emotions are where the answers are

Emotions, feelings, pain are not the enemy. They are the doorway to accepting your human experience. They do not reflect your true nature of love, and they do not reflect your worth.

When you meet your emotions somatically – inside your body – and place a hand where the energy of those emotions is most felt; when you welcome them, reassure them that they are safe here, accept them for how they feel now, (without any dualistic right or wrong, good or bad judgement)—this is healing at the innermost level. And it is only in this deeper place where you will directly experience your true nature of love.

When you are honest about how you are feeling, how you are feeling softens.

We think things come to stay, but really, things come
to pass. And when you observe the patterns that
thoughts and feelings take—the way they rise and
fall, whispering in opposites: sun and moon, earth,
and sky—you will begin to understand the flux and
flow of life; the impermanence of it all. You will
begin to notice that nothing is causing you any harm
unless you think it is. Everything is simply
appearing as a dance of polar energy within the
space of wholeness—both energies are needed to
complete the whole.

Excerpt from my new book: ‘Softening‘

How to reconnect with your whole self

The experience of fear, and pain, and dark emotions is not outside of us – the experience occurs within us. So it is only us who have the power to go within and soothe ourselves. It is only us who can feel all of these parts within us and invite them into a place of warmth – the home within us.

Our trauma – as it appears in our bodies now – needs to be loved to be healed.

Try to consciously be with whatever is arising within you – even if what arises feels uncomfortable – don’t push it away. When you suppress your emotions, you suppress your immune system, your suppress your true self, and you suppress your birthright of living a beautiful life.

A technique I use for working with physical and emotional reactions arising in my body:

Notice where, or how this trigger shows up in your body – for me, it’s a tightness in my chest or stomach, but sometimes, it’s a racing heart for no obvious reason. For others, it can be a closed throat, heat, numbness, etc.
Touch the place on your body where the energy is most felt. Placing one hand on your chest, and one hand on your stomach is deeply comforting and grounding. As is one hand on your forehead and one hand at the back of your neck. Do what feels intuitive to you.
Get curious with the felt sense within you. Understand that it is a hurt part of you trying to protect you from a place of love. (At your very core, beneath everything that is arising, everything that has made a mark on you, every memory, every emotion, is the universal energy of love.)
Welcome it. Don’t berate it, or shame it – it is part of you.
Breathe into it.
Acknowledge it: “I see you. Thank you for protecting me. I’m not going to abandon you.”
Keep breathing into it as you feel it dispersing.

Remember – it is the loving, welcoming part of you that will transform this hurt part and invite it to be dissolved inside your energy of love.

When you start to feel good and calm, you are more likely to see the situation that caused the reaction with more clarity – you are more likely to find a healthy solution.

Accepting your wholeness is key, and this has been a life changing exercise for me over the last few months. I hope it helps you.

You can read more about how to undertake your own breathwork practice here.

Mantra for forgiveness

When I was healing from breast cancer, I read about a beautiful Hawaiian technique called “Hoʻoponopono” and the practice I have been using above reminds me of this.

“I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.”

A note on kindness

We are not always kind enough to ourselves. In the last year, I have made peace with so many hurt parts of myself, and I have noticed that during the difficult period I experienced over the last couple of years, I berated myself, punished myself, and ultimately betrayed myself by not trusting my intuition from the very beginning. I suffered from cognitive dissonance, which is where a part of you very clearly sees the lies, the emotional abuse, and the ill treatment you are receiving, but another part of you doesn’t quite believe it, and makes excuses for their behaviour and blames yourself instead. One way to get over this, and start trusting yourself more is to write down what you factually know about the way someone is treating you. “I know you manipulated me when….. I know you lied to me when…. I know you gaslighted me when….” Once these facts have been confirmed in you, you can move on and create much healthier boundaries in the future, and start trusting and honouring your deepest instinct from the outset.

Emotions are a doorway. When you start listening to yourself with the most loving tenderness, you will find the answer.

Tender reminder:

Whether your pain is physical or emotional, allow it to be experienced as it is, and not as a story of pain. The second you remove any story behind the pain, and accept it for being pain, here and now in your body, you start to create an opening for it. The minute you start to welcome it with compassion, it starts to dissolve within you.

Self-love affirmation:

I am okay as I am.
I am enough as I am.
I am unique, and whole as I am.
I love myself in this moment.

The poetry and notes in my next book are an invitation for you to observe yourself. To learn more about yourself. And to see that your power lies in becoming who you already are, and then nurturing yourself from there.

Available from Barnes and Nobles stores, and online at Amazon, The book depository and Waterstones.

A snippet from today’s cold water swim:

One of the reasons I am drawn to this lake is for the beauty surrounding me when I’m there….the sun was rising at the back of me; but it was the moon I was drawn towards this morning.

A quote I really resonate with:

“Individuality is only possible if it unfolds from wholeness.”

David Bohm

This week, I’ve been grateful for:

I was telling my friend in Australia this morning that making friends at the lake, and having coffee with them the first few times felt more terrifying than going into the cold water. I am so grateful for the gentle, authentic connections I am making, and proud of myself for staying with the discomfort. It has greatly paid off.

Have you downloaded my latest free digital magazine? The link is here.

It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to read.

Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to expand and grow into this new space. For following along, for reading my work. Feel free to keep in touch: april@bloomforyourself.co.uk

Sending love and light always, April xxx

April Green