Going towards fear

Featured image for “Going towards fear”

… and how it alters the way you experience life


And each time I feel myself
breaking a little more, I tell myself
:
‘you are not breaking;
you are expanding,
softening,
opening.’

(Growth nearly always happens
on the inside first.)

Bloom for Yourself

A song I’m currently enjoying:


I have been listening to this band for a few weeks now (old favourites), especially this song. And, here we are: the week of the incredible full moon on Tuesday – it feels very apt to include this one here.

I had a full moon swim at sunset in my wild swimming lake, and I was thinking a lot about fear, and all the incredible things that happen when you go towards it instead of allowing it to come to you.

This was taken just after my swim at 5.10pm. I swam towards it when I first entered the water…how could I not?


Accepting that fear is part of life

We all have within our reach an opportunity to really show up in our lives; to embrace the moment without feeling afraid and wishing instead for the moment to pass. We all have the power to radically transform our lives by sitting with fear instead of running from it.

In accepting that fear is part of life, I have surprisingly discovered that I am getting much more comfortable with the feelings of fear. I am becoming familiar with the feelings that fear produces in me, and I am allowing it to surface and move around my body, the same way I move around the lake. I am noticing more than ever that it is resistance to fear that causes more of the intense feelings. And when there is no fight, fear disperses and moves away from you like the circular ripples created when your body moves through the water.

In accepting that fear is part of life, you create an opportunity to stop needing to run each time you have any feelings of fear, and anxiety. Instead, you start to see that the resistance within – the thing that is silently saying ‘no’ and holding you back, is giving you the chance to take back your power. The thing that is silently saying ‘no’ and holding you back is the sense of a limited self. And you are not that. You have within your power the choice to stop identifying with this limited self.



Being at ease with discomfort

I have always wanted to become at ease with discomfort. It’s a big part of recovery; so it is something I’ve been working on for many years. You can read more about this in my last blog post. My spiritual practice has taught me that our true nature is inherently free from fear and resistance. So, I am softening into this space more and more, and developing a positive habit of living from there.

Fear is taking me deeper into myself. A new level of internal power is being reached. A shift in how I am experiencing life is starting to take place. It gives me great satisfaction to regularly push past the internal conflict; to silently say: ‘I’m not being held back, I’m going to feel it all’.

We are always rewarded when we overcome to mental battle that is trying to hold us back from doing something uncomfortable.

When I’m in a strong yoga pose and something tells me: ‘this is tough, you can stop now’, I say: ‘No. I’m breathing through this. I am capable of breathing through this.’

If something serious is going to happen, intuition sees it at once – reaction to danger is spontaneous. It doesn’t need to be thought through, or fought through. It simply happens as a divine response.

While swimming out of my depth in open water – swimming in groundlessness – I have come to see very clearly the strategies we use to avoid life each time we feel unstable and afraid. Whenever we feel unbalanced, as though the earth has been pulled from under our feet, we turn to comfort and security – all those habitual patterns we can control, and which distract us from the feelings of fear.

But when these avoidance patterns build up and become the norm, they can have a huge impact on our happiness; they can dull our minds and keep us closed off from the wonders of life.


Nothing in life is to be feared. It is to be understood.

— Marie Curie


Fear is the greatest teacher

I am an advocate for consistency and routine. But, more so than ever, I am experiencing the indisputable truth that regularly moving out of your comfort zone really does have the ability to shift lifelong patterns of avoidance, denial, resistance and self-doubt.

When you go towards fear, and allow the feelings to arise without turning away, you notice that fear is your greatest teacher. You see very clearly the patterns you have habitually developed in response to all the challenges you face in life. But when you accept that challenges are all part of life: troubles, difficult times, tragedy, grief, heartbreak – you realise that it is safer to learn to sit with the feelings these challenges give rise to instead of prolonging the pain by trying to avoid them. Because, the feelings will only recycle around your body and spill out into every aspect of your life if you hold them down.

The freedom I am experiencing within my body over the last 10 weeks of cold water swimming is quite astounding. The tension in my heart, the resistance, the inner conflict, has fallen away to reveal more spaciousness – more openness.

We don’t ever realise how much resistance we are carrying until we are in a state of non resistance.

Facing fear is an invitation to let go even more deeply, and discover the strength of who you already are. It is an opportunity to develop a deeper, loving relationships with yourself and others. And this is what you deserve.



How to deal with the feelings of fear when you are trying something out of your comfort zone

→ Whatever you choose to do outside of your comfort zone, treat the feelings of fear as part of the experience, instead of a barrier to the experience.

→ Make your experience mindful – take a moment to absorb the transition from comfort to this new space.

→ Think about why you have chosen to make this change and try something new.

→ Think about the result that will occur the second you take the first step. Focus on the space you are stepping into – growth and transformation.

→ Take control by getting your breathing under control. Stay grounded and aware so that the normal response of flight doesn’t take over.

→ Learn to face the feelings of anxiety and fear that arise when we feel uncertain. Lean into them and have faith that they will pass.

→ Remember the the goal is to train yourself out of the habitual patterns of avoiding uncertainty.

Not always being able to touch the bottom of the lake is both terrifying and life altering for me. But when I understood this, and I accepted this, then I felt in control. The more often you go out of your comfort zone, the more you will learn the landscape.

The fear still swims alongside me, but my attention is always turned towards the light.


You can’t lose who you already are.
And who you already are can’t be defined
by anyone but you.
Only you can know the fullness of yourself.
And if ever you forget, then it is only you who can push past the fear, break something open, and immerse yourself back into your centre.
Never forget that the comfort and well-being
of your deeper self is available to you whenever you need it.”

– Softening – released on 1 December

Photo by cottonbro studio


Reminder

Allow fear to transform you:
turn towards everything you have been avoiding, and everything you are afraid of
and you will discover the beautiful light within you.


Softening into nature – the best way to be free from fear

When you take yourself into nature you are giving your senses the taste of joy: The warming, familiar scent of the forest, the sun reaching through the trees to touch your skin, the water dancing across your waist as you gently step your way in. When you take yourself into nature, your body will hold the memory of each experience; and it will keep drawing you back there. It will keep reminding you where to find joy and harmony.

Water is at its best when it is wild. And we are at our best when we connect with that wild. I see something different each time I venture into the lake. I meet someone new. On the outside, but also from within. A new strength is discovered. A new sense of connectedness. Every swim creates a new memory; a different way of seeing the light.


We are always rewarded when we overcome
the mental battle that is trying to hold us back from
doing something uncomfortable.


The poetry and notes in my next book are an invitation for you to observe yourself. To learn more about yourself. And to see that your power lies in becoming who you already are, and then nurturing yourself from there.

Released 1 December 2022


“Softening

Poetry and notes on becoming who you already are”

Release date: 1 December 2022


Cover designed by Xavier Esclusa Trias

A snippet of my life:

The owner of the lake built a fire for us today.
I’ve swam outdoors 3 times this week. This was the larger lake – I really love the open space of this lake.

A lesson I’ve been reflecting upon lately:

Fear is like an open door. If you walk through it, you get to see and feel something quite magical on the other side.

Just being around water inspires a sense of calm and tranquility. My body brings a new awareness to the water, a heightened sense of my deeper self. A slow noticing of the physical sensations, a silence apart from the movement of water and the flow of breath. I am developing the art of swimming mindfully. And it feels beautiful.


A quote I really resonate with:

“Mindfulness is about love and loving life. When you cultivate this love, it gives you clarity and compassion for life, and your actions happen in accordance with that.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn


This week, I’ve been grateful for:

Getting to see the full moon in all her glory, and swim into her light. Let me know in the comments what you are currently grateful for. What did you release and clear during this special phase?


It’s an honor to be here sharing my words with you, and I am incredibly grateful for the time you have taken to read.

Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to expand and grow into this new space. For following along, for reading my work. Feel free to keep in touch: april@bloomforyourself.co.uk

Sending love and light always, April xxx


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